How to Flip the Script After Disappointment
How to Flip the Script After Disappointment
Every Monday, we revisit one of the listener questions we’ve answered in a previous episode. It’s been edited for clarity & brevity here. If you want to get the full version, links to the full episode are below the text.
Patrick:
This question is in our Think bucket.
What attitudes do we need to flip the script better, or what should we focus on to flip the script? Recently, I've been trying to have a better attitude about not being offered my dream job after an interview. How do we overcome obstacles like that and the doubt that comes creeping in with rejection?
Ben:
There are two components to this.
The first is to recognize that the doubt and insecurity, the fear, anxiety, regret - all those feelings are normal. Not only are they normal in our jobs, but they’re also normal parts of the human experience. It comes with the territory.
So, don’t beat yourself up for feeling them.
The thing you don’t want to do, though, is assign extra, negative meaning to not getting this dream job. That extra meaning might sound like, “I suck at interviewing.” Or, “I’m never going to get this opportunity again.” Or, “See, this is just more proof that I suck.”
That kind of self-talk is what Victims do - or, at best, what Pessimists do.
One level up from that would be to see this like an Optimist would:
Just because I didn’t get this job doesn’t mean I’ll never get it. This is the motivation I need to double down and improve my skills so I’m ready for my next interview.
That’s the first angle: Tell yourself a helpful story.
The second angle is to become the Realist:
This is part of life. Not everything is going to line up with how I want things. Not everything I pursue will work out. To expect endless sunshine and roses and to be anxious, angry, or disappointed when it rains is ridiculous.
Working to develop a radical acceptance of reality is worthwhile training.
Why? Because it helps us move forward with more clarity and less emotion.
There’s a great example of this. In 2014, the Seattle Seahawks were down 16-0 at halftime. The quarterback, Russell Wilson, had thrown three interceptions and completed no passes. He had literally completed more passes to the Green Bay Packers than to his own teammates.
What would a normal human being be feeling in the locker room? How much doubt, negativity, anger, blame, or complaint would there be?
Well, Wilson isn’t a normal human being. His coach calls what he practices “neutral thinking.” Things weren’t bad, and they weren’t good. They just were.
In reality, the first half has nothing to do with the second half. The last play has nothing to do with the next play.
He’d practiced this way of thinking so much that he didn't let it affect him even after a bad performance in such a big game.
The Seahawks came out in the second half and tied the game up in the final minutes, forcing overtime. Wilson then threw a 35-yard TD pass and sent his team to the Super Bowl.
But the success in this story isn’t the point.
The point is that Wilson navigated the moment without layering extra meaning on top of it. Because of that, he was able to put all his energy, focus, and massive talent into the only thing that mattered: The next play.
Full Episode: