7 Habits of People Who Make Other People Better (w/ Jon Gordon)

5 Big Ideas, 3 Reflection Questions, 1 Practice

🎧 In This Episode

We explore seven habits of people who make everyone around them better with Jon Gordon, author of 33 books, including The Energy Bus, The Hard Hat, and The Power of Positive Habits.

You’ll learn why the ratio of your positive-to-negative interactions may be the single biggest predictor of whether your relationships thrive or fall apart, how to shout praise and whisper criticism without eroding standards, and what it actually means to give freely and make the pie bigger.

Jon also shares the concept of a caring trademark — the specific, consistent way you show people they matter — and tells the story of his late mother’s final act of service that still shapes how he thinks about love.

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🖐 5 BIG IDEAS

1. The Positive Interaction Ratio

Research shows that teams with at least 3 positive interactions for every negative one outperform those that don’t. In marriages, that number climbs to 5-to-1. But here’s the counterintuitive twist: when the ratio reaches 13-to-1, things actually fall apart — because no one is willing to address real problems anymore.

The lesson is that connection — built through genuine positive interactions — is the foundation of every high-functioning relationship. A high five, an encouraging word, a difficult conversation that ends in resolution: all of these count.

The goal is a ratio that keeps people connected, not one that keeps things comfortable.

2. Shout Praise, Whisper Criticism

Chuck Daly, coach of the original Olympic Dream Team, built his culture around recognizing people publicly and correcting them privately — calling people up rather than calling them out. But Jon adds essential nuance: there’s a difference between personal criticism (always private) and in-the-moment coaching (sometimes public).

When someone misses a play in practice, correcting it in front of the team is a teaching moment for everyone. The key question is always: is this going to uplift this person, or deflate them? Is this a coachable moment for the group, or a private conversation? Demand. Don’t demean.

3. Be a Conduit, Not a Container

In electronics, resistors hold their electrons — their power is fixed and finite. Conductors give and receive freely, and their power comes from the current that flows through them. Jon uses this as the central metaphor for how energy moves through relationships and through life.

Giving without keeping score keeps the current moving. But receiving matters just as much. When you deflect compliments, refuse help, or insist you don’t need support, you cut the circuit — and rob the giver of the gift of feeling useful.

The people who live the biggest lives let the most move through them.

4. Make the Pie Bigger

When Jon partnered with Damon West on The Coffee Bean, he offered him half the royalties before writing a word — not because he had to, but because he believed making the pie bigger would lead to something better for both. It did.

The abundance mindset isn’t naive — it’s the deepest kind of strategic thinking. Not calculating in the sense of keeping score, but understanding that the world expands or contracts based on how you show up. When you look for win-win, you grow alongside the people you make better.

Win the person. The prize tends to take care of itself.

5. Your Caring Trademark

A caring trademark is the specific, consistent way you show people they matter. Not what you think you should do — the thing you genuinely do, reliably, without being asked, because it’s how you’re wired to show up.

Jon’s is encouragement. His late mother’s was simpler: she walked to the store while quietly fighting for her life to make him a sandwich for the drive home. That was the last real conversation they had.

The most memorable people in our lives aren’t remembered for what they accomplished. They’re remembered for the specific, reliable way they made us feel seen.

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🤔 3 REFLECTION QUESTIONS

1. What is your current positive-to-negative interaction ratio — and what’s one relationship where the math is working against you?

Think about the person at work, at home, or in your social circle with whom you feel the most friction. If you honestly tallied the tone of your recent interactions with them, would you be above or below 3-to-1? What would it look like to intentionally shift that ratio this week — not with fake positivity, but with one genuine deposit you haven’t been making?

2. When did you last win an argument at the cost of the relationship — and what would winning the person have looked like instead?

Jon is direct about this: the person who always has to be right is often alone. Think of a recent disagreement where you pushed harder than you needed to. What were you actually trying to protect? And what would it have felt like to let go of the point and hold onto the person instead?

3. What is your caring trademark — and how intentionally are you using it?

Think about the people who have made the deepest impression on your life. What was their specific, consistent way of showing you they cared? Now flip it: what is your equivalent? Is it something you do deliberately, or only occasionally by accident? What would it mean to make it a habit — to show up with your caring trademark as reliably as you show up to anything else that matters to you?

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🎯 1 PRACTICE

Change your ratio by one.

You don’t need to overhaul every relationship. Pick one — the one where the ratio is farthest from where you want it — and commit to one new deposit a day for the next week. Not a grand gesture. A text that says you were thinking of them. Noticing something they did well and saying so out loud. Asking a real question and actually listening to the answer.

The research is clear: the teams that high-five more win more — not because high-fives are magic, but because high-fives are the visible evidence of a connection that was already there. You can’t manufacture the connection with the gesture. But you can start building it today, with the simplest version you can actually sustain.

One deposit. One relationship. Seven days. Watch what happens.

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