From Raised Hands to Real Change: A Step-by-Step Guide to Being a Better Change Agent
The Full Episode Guide
🎧 In This Episode
We dive into one of the most challenging aspects of caring about others: knowing how and when to help someone start their health journey.
We explore the art of meeting people where they are, planting the right seeds for lasting change, and avoiding the common trap of overwhelming people with our knowledge.
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Quick Preview
The Raised Hand Principle: How to distinguish between genuine curiosity and surface-level interest
Identity-First Approach: Why changing beliefs comes before changing behaviors
The Trojan Horse Method: Using someone's existing goals as entry points to deeper transformation
Minimum Viable Actions: Specific starting points for each of the five factors of health
❤️🔥 A Deeper Dive
Big Ideas
Meeting People Where They Are
The biggest mistake we make when trying to help others is assuming they're ready for our level of knowledge and commitment. Like training a muscle, we need to work at someone's threshold — enough stimulus to create change, but not so much that it breaks them or turns them away. This requires genuine curiosity about their starting point, not just their destination.
The Root System vs. The Seed
Most health advice focuses on planting seeds (actions like eating better, exercising more), but without a strong root system (identity and beliefs), these seeds won't survive the first storm. We need to focus on reinforcing empowering identities: "You are coachable," "You do hard things," "You are disciplined." The identity work creates the foundation for lasting change.
The Bidirectional Nature of Change
Identity shapes actions, but actions also shape identity. This means we can work from both directions — help someone see themselves as disciplined while also helping them take disciplined actions. Each reinforces the other in an upward spiral.
Key Distinctions
Traditional Approach vs. Effective Approach
Download all your knowledge immediately vs. Ask questions to understand their starting point
Correct their "wrong" goals vs. Use their goals as entry points to deeper work
Focus on actions first vs. Build identity and beliefs before prescribing actions
Try to help everyone who mentions health vs. Only respond when someone genuinely raises their hand
Reflection Questions
Think of someone you've tried to help in the past — were they genuinely raising their hand, or were you projecting your own eagerness to help?
In your closest relationships, are you focused more on giving love or receiving love? How might shifting this focus change the dynamic?
If someone came to you wanting to "lose 20 pounds for a wedding," how would you use that as a Trojan horse for deeper transformation?
Practice Opportunities
The Identity Reinforcement Practice
Choose someone you care about and look for opportunities to reinforce positive identity traits: "You're so coachable," "I love how disciplined you are," "You really do hard things well."
The Love Language Investigation
If you're in a relationship, discover your partner's love language and commit to one daily action that speaks their language, not yours.
Application Framework
Step 1: Wait for the Raised Hand
Don't offer advice until someone genuinely asks for help. Look for true curiosity, specific questions, and openness to guidance.
Step 2: Conduct an Intake
Before giving any advice, understand their starting point: What have they tried? Where have they struggled? What are their true goals? What do they believe about themselves?
Step 3: Focus on Identity First
Use language that reinforces positive identity traits. Help them see themselves as capable, coachable, and disciplined before prescribing actions.
Step 4: Meet Them at Their Threshold
Give them challenges that are difficult enough to create growth but not so overwhelming that they quit. Success breeds success.
Step 5: Use Goals as Trojan Horses
Don't change their goals — use them as entry points. Someone wanting to "lose weight" really wants to feel better about themselves. Work with that.
Step 6: Provide Minimum Viable Actions
For each factor of health, give them one simple action they can succeed at:
Training: Simple bodyweight circuit they can do anywhere
Sleep: Bedtime alarm to start their routine
Mindset: Notice the voice during triggered moments
Nutrition: Add one piece of real food to every meal
Connection: Give love in their partner's love language
Step 7: Change Their Environment
If you can't be their daily coach, become their curator. Send them podcasts, books, or other content that will mentor them when you're not around.
Key Takeaways
We are most effective as change agents when we remember that it's not about us — it's about them.
Our job isn't to impress people with our knowledge but to ask the right questions, reinforce empowering identities, and meet people exactly where they are.
Real change happens when someone feels capable and supported, not when they feel overwhelmed by information.
The goal isn't to create dependence on our advice but to plant seeds of self-efficacy that will grow long after our conversation ends.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply believe in someone's potential and reflect that belief back to them until they begin to see it themselves.
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