Eighteen Years of Answers
Daily Chase #253
Here’s a question worth sitting with: what are you actually practicing when you help your kids through hard things?
Most of us think we’re teaching them. But depending on how we show up, we might be doing the opposite.
When a child comes to us with something hard - a fear, a frustration, a problem they can’t solve - our instinct is to fix it. Reassure. Correct. Hand them the answer.
And for a while, that feels like good parenting.
But here’s what’s really happening: every time we give the answer, we take away a rep. We remove the practice of sitting with something hard and thinking your way through it. We train them - slowly, invisibly - to outsource that process to us.
Then we’re shocked when they leave home at 18 without the tools to do it themselves.
The shift isn’t complicated. It just feels counterintuitive.
Instead of answering, ask. Instead of fixing, create space. Instead of telling them what to think, help them notice what they’re already thinking.
The question doesn’t have to be sophisticated. “When did this start?” works. “What do you want to happen?” works. The point isn’t the question - it’s the practice. Every time we do it, we hand them a tool they’ll carry long after they’ve left our house.
Eighteen years is a long time to practice the wrong thing.
It’s also a long time to practice the right one.
More on this idea in our latest episode →
What's one thing you wish someone had let you figure out yourself - instead of handing you the answer?
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