Most Mondays, we revisit one of the listener questions we’ve answered in a previous episode. It’s been edited for clarity & brevity.
PATRICK: Here’s a question in our Think bucket:
How do you distinguish between the principle of “never whine, never complain, never make excuses” and actually bringing to the surface things that aren’t working or that need to be improved?
BEN: There are two additional principles you have to attach to “never whine, never complain, never make excuses.”
If you do these two things, you are not complaining, making excuses, or whining. You’re being productive.
The first one:
When you enter the conversation, you do it with a solution-oriented mindset.
So, if you want to talk about the struggles you're having with a coworker or a manager, one way is to say, “Patrick, I’d love to catch our ears on something. I’m struggling with Beth, and I’m curious about your take on what’s going on.”
The other way to go is to say, “I can’t believe Beth. She’s always coming at me with her problems, and no matter what I do, I can’t avoid her dropping her whole life story on me for 20 minutes a day.”
Very different approaches.
The latter is complaining and whining. The former is seeking to make things better.
The second one:
After I talk with you about the situation, I need to go to the person I have the issue with—in this case, Beth. I need to talk to her, not about her.
However, that’s where it stops. If I go to you, Beth, and then I talk to six other people about it, I’m spinning the rumor mill. I’m complaining about Beth. I’m whining about her.
If you’re not in a solution-oriented mindset, and you’re not focusing your energy on those who can actually help you implement a solution, the chances are good you’re just whining, complaining, or making excuses.
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