Most Mondays, we revisit one of the listener questions weāve answered in a previous episode. Itās been edited for clarity & brevity.
PATRICK: Hereās a question in our Think bucket:
How do you distinguish between the principle of ānever whine, never complain, never make excusesā and actually bringing to the surface things that arenāt working or that need to be improved?
BEN: There are two additional principles you have to attach to ānever whine, never complain, never make excuses.ā
If you do these two things, you are not complaining, making excuses, or whining. Youāre being productive.
The first one:
When you enter the conversation, you do it with a solution-oriented mindset.
So, if you want to talk about the struggles you're having with a coworker or a manager, one way is to say, āPatrick, Iād love to catch our ears on something. Iām struggling with Beth, and Iām curious about your take on whatās going on.ā
The other way to go is to say, āI canāt believe Beth. Sheās always coming at me with her problems, and no matter what I do, I canāt avoid her dropping her whole life story on me for 20 minutes a day.ā
Very different approaches.
The latter is complaining and whining. The former is seeking to make things better.
The second one:
After I talk with you about the situation, I need to go to the person I have the issue withāin this case, Beth. I need to talk to her, not about her.
However, thatās where it stops. If I go to you, Beth, and then I talk to six other people about it, Iām spinning the rumor mill. Iām complaining about Beth. Iām whining about her.
If youāre not in a solution-oriented mindset, and youāre not focusing your energy on those who can actually help you implement a solution, the chances are good youāre just whining, complaining, or making excuses.
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