10 Hard Truths for People Who Are Done Making Excuses
5 Big Ideas, 3 Reflection Questions, 1 Takeaway
We explore ten things that are hard to hear — but true. Ben posted this list on Instagram a few months back, and we spent this episode going through all ten, one by one.
You’ll learn why the impulse to fix other people is almost always misdirected energy, how complaining creates real physiological stress, and why the stories running in the background of your mind are shaping everything — including the things you think are totally objective. You’ll also examine where your priorities actually came from, and whether “more” is ever going to get you there.
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🖐 5 BIG IDEAS
1. The Mirror Always Points Back
The most common response to a problem is to look outward. Why won’t they listen? Why don’t people see the work? Why is this person making my life harder? It feels natural — and it also keeps us stuck.
There’s a Taylor Swift story worth keeping in mind, though: when her album didn’t receive the Grammy nominations everyone expected, her response wasn’t “why don’t they see how good it is?” It was “I just need to make a better album.” Instead of blame or complacency, she’s radically redirecting her energy from the circle of concern to the circle of influence.
The same principle shows up in how we handle defensiveness. When we’re defending a position we already know is wrong — when we’re arguing for the sake of not losing — we’re choosing our ego over our growth.
Our goal should be, instead, to maintain our curiosity and shift our attention out of the drama and back toward the work.
2. Complaining Is Voluntary Stress
We’re hardwired for negativity. It kept our ancestors alive — remembering which berries were poisonous was more important than appreciating the ones that tasted great. But that survival software doesn’t serve us the same way today. We’re not being chased. We’re sitting in traffic.
The problem is that when we complain, we’re not just venting — we’re voluntarily signing up for more of the chronic stress we’re supposedly complaining about. Stress is artery-clogging. It contributes to atherosclerosis and feeds the four horsemen of chronic disease. And we’re choosing it by re-narrating events we can’t change.
Two quotes worth keeping nearby: Tony Robbins says “stressed is the achiever word for fear.” And Seth Godin’s version is even more practical — “the best way to complain is to make things better.” Not to suppress the frustration, but to redirect it into something that moves the needle.
3. The Story You’re Telling Isn’t True
We are storytelling machines. It’s not a flaw — it’s core to being human. But the narrative our brains generate about any given situation is rarely objective, and often not helpful.
Think about the last disagreement you had with someone close to you. Both of you were completely convicted in your version of what happened. Both versions can’t be right — but both felt absolutely real. The more attached we become to our narrative, the less we’re actually engaging with reality.
This plays out in how we see ourselves too. We can swing between “I’m the only one who could do this” and “I have no idea what I’m doing” — neither of which is true, and both of which pull us out of the calm, present state where our best work gets done.
The realist isn’t someone who sees everything perfectly. The realist is someone who recognizes the story is running and stays skeptical of it.
4. Your Priorities Might Belong to Someone Else
Most people don’t set their priorities — they grab them. They see what other people are reaching for and assume that’s what you’re supposed to want. Growth for growth’s sake. The fundraising round. The bigger number. The accolades.
The deeper question — the one Ben’s CFO surprisingly asked — is: what do you actually want to feel when you walk in every day? What does the 80-year-old version of you wish you had spent more time building? Because when you start from that place, the priority list changes pretty quickly. Ben’s north star is calmness. If that’s true, then raising a VC round that would install permanent chaos doesn’t make sense — no matter what every business forum is telling him to do.
The same logic applies to happiness and “more.” Our biology tells us that more is always better — more resources meant survival. But we’re not stockpiling for winter anymore. More things do not move the needle on meaning. And as the podcaster Chris Williamson once noted, this is largely an unlearnable lesson until you’ve gotten the thing and found out it didn’t work.
5. Life Isn’t Fair. That’s Actually the Good News.
The victim mindset’s most common expression is “this isn’t fair.” And to be clear — sometimes that’s just true. Sitting in that reality for a moment is okay. It might even be necessary.
But the story can’t keep going after that. When we let “this is unfair” become a loop — when we use it to explain why we’re stuck, why others have what we don’t, why things haven’t gone our way — we’re misattributing neutral or painful events to a narrative of victimhood that we didn’t have to create.
Here’s the reframe: the absence of fairness is actually freeing. If life were fair, you’d be owed something. You’d be waiting for a balance that’s coming. When you accept that it’s not — that there is no cosmic ledger being kept — you get to stop waiting and start moving. You are not owed the next thing. But you are capable of building it.
🤔 3 REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1. Where in your life are you pointing at “them” instead of asking what you’re contributing?
Think about a current frustration — with a relationship, a team, or a result. How much of your mental energy is going toward what they should be doing differently? Now try the flip: what is one thing you could change about how you’re showing up that might shift the dynamic? This isn’t about accepting blame. It’s about reclaiming influence.
2. What story are you telling yourself right now that might not be true?
Pick a belief you’re holding pretty tightly — about who you are, what you’re capable of, what someone else thinks of you, or why something isn’t working. Where did that story come from? What would it look like to hold it a little more loosely — to stay curious about whether it’s actually accurate?
3. Are the priorities you’re chasing actually yours — or did you just pick them up because everyone else was grabbing them?
Take a minute to zoom out. Picture your 80-year-old self with a clear view of how things went. What would they wish you had prioritized more? What would they tell you to put down? The goal isn’t to abandon ambition — it’s to make sure the ambition you’re carrying is actually pointed at the life you want.
🔑 1 KEY TAKEAWAY
All ten truths point in the same direction: inward.
The thread running through every item on this list is that the real work — the only work we have full control over — is internal. It’s easy to frame growth as something that happens to us: a new system, a better environment, the right opportunity. But this episode is a pointed reminder that the primary obstacle in almost every area of life is the way we’re currently thinking about it.
We’re not objective. We’re not as good as we think we are, and we’re not as bad as we think we are. Our priorities got handed to us. Our stories are running in the background. We’re fighting against the unfairness of a universe that doesn’t keep score.
None of that means we’re broken. It means we’re human. And the move isn’t to white-knuckle your way through the list — to try to fix all ten things at once and become some fully optimized, ego-free machine. The move is awareness first. Noticing the complaint before it turns into a spiral. Catching the defensive impulse before you act on it. Asking yourself once a week whose priorities you’re actually chasing right now.
That’s the whole game. Awareness → Intention → Action. You can’t get to intention until you’ve seen the thing clearly, and you can’t take aligned action until the intention is set. Every one of the ten truths Ben listed is a doorway into that awareness — a chance to stop the pattern before it runs on its own.
The good life isn’t built in the moments when everything’s going perfectly. It’s built in the moment you catch yourself complaining and choose to make something better instead.